Saturday, January 17, 2009

And there are many more just like her...

It's looking like Rebecca has "skipped" one of her episodes. (Thank you, God!) We're still trying to figure out the pattern. In retrospect from what rambling nonsense the orphanage told us, she likely had been having these for quite a while before her adoption. She had her first one with us after six months, then three in a row about 6 weeks apart, then none for three months, then three in a row, and here we are now waiting on the next.
I have been making sure that she gets plenty of rest because I was anticipating her to get sick. I think it paid off because her transition back to school after the Christmas break was pretty smooth. She had been having a hard time getting back in the swing of things after a break from school. In the beginning of the year, this could just be from the weekend!
Although Rebecca has made HUGE strides since the beginning of school, she still has so many struggles. There is so much more to it than just "catching up." How can a child be subjected to the worst neglect imaginable for the first 6 1/2 years of her life and not be profoundly affected in her development? There are just parts of her brain that have never been stimulated when they were supposed to be stimulated and therefore she has lots of sensory processing problems, among others. I took her this week for further evaluation for occupational and speech therapy. She's getting both of these at school, but in a totally different focus. I was very impressed by the OT. I learned so much about Rebecca's deficits in her development in such a short time. For instance, Rebecca's scapulae are very widely spaced and have an almost a winged appearance. (I really just thought this was the way she was built.) The OT explained that it was her little body's way of stabilizing itself because she was never given the chance to strengthen the muscles of her trunk when she was an infant. The babies in the orphanage lie on their backs for at least the first year of their lives. In Rebecca's orphanage, this was on a wooden board in a metal crib (no mattress, blankets, or pillow). Most of the babies can't even sit up until they are at least a year old. At first my instinct was just to soak up as much information as possible and take it and use the strategies that the OT has given me to take Rebecca back through all of these stages, and I still want to do that, but my anger has set in...
Anger! Anger at a country and government that would allow such neglect on such a large scale. Anger at the orphanage for not giving my daughter better care. There are so many "stories" out there, almost romanticized, about how much the babies are cared for by their ayis (nannies) and that the ayis cry for them when they are adopted. What a crock! If anyone had cared the least bit, why didn't someone pick her up and rock her? Why did she just lie there in that cold crib? She has every physical manifestation that this is exactly what was done to her, and not just as a baby but her entire existence there! She walked like a toddler when we got her and could not maneuver stairs, despite the fact that the room where she slept was on the 2nd floor and there was a so-called "activities" room on the 1st floor! And then there are all of her scars--what happened to her??
And then there is the profound sadness that I feel. I now have this beautiful newborn baby girl who I am able to give all the things to that I could not give to Rebecca. I just hope and pray that I can somehow get all the gaps filled in for her.


Russ and Lisa W. said...

Oh Emily,
I just sat here in tears reading about Rebecca. Thank the good Lord above that she has 2 wonderful parents that can give her the love and care that she needs. She has come a long way from when you first brought her home. Anger...I would be angry to , to know my child was treated that way too. You have giving this child a chance to live a perfect full life that she would not have if she were still there. God will continue to bless your family with all his glory!!
love, Lisa

Tina said...

You are such a good mom! It is so painful to think of what our little ones go through before coming home. I pray Rebecca continues to improve and thrive. She is in wonderful place now and your love will help heal those scars- maybe not the visible ones but the ones on the inside.
Love ya

Green, Party of Five said...

Oh Emily....I so know how you feel. Lia and Lily orphange was so different. When we left Lily's I actually felt a peace with her nanny because I could really feel in my heart that she loved Lily so much. All the pictures we have of Lily and her nanny you can see the love. This was Lily's only nanny for 22 months. But with Lia, there was so many kids and nannies that when we left I felt so bitter and angry. I felt like they thought there is another one gone.
However, our girls are home now and they will NEVER experience this again. Thank God for bringing our babies home to us.
Oh...I need to call you. I do want to order something from you.